


seven hundred miles down highways to Eden

by corvinephan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Skateboarding, Video Series: A Sleepless Night With Phil, midnight shenanigans, or an attempt at skateboarding at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:01:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26286889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corvinephan/pseuds/corvinephan
Summary: "It's the third time he's landed directly on his ass today, which is simply great. This midnight adventure is going to flatten the moneymaker." Dan can't sleep, so he drags Phil out of the house for some midnight fun. Featuring: the tragic fate of a skateboard, 3am meals from McDonald's and boyfriends in love.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 11
Kudos: 35





	seven hundred miles down highways to Eden

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the "Sleepless Night Challenge" over on Amino. This is the original prompt: "Dan and/or Phil isn’t asleep. Maybe it’s insomnia, maybe it’s for a video, or maybe they have to save the world. Write a fic exploring why they’re having a sleepless night!". Major kudos to Val (hidden_pastry), as always, for beta'ing this fic and being generally awesome. Title is inspired by Troye Sivan's song "Stud".

"Yes, yes, yes... No!"

"Come on, Howell, it's not that fucking hard. Put your foot on the front and push. While moving, ideally."

"You say that as if you can do it," Dan says, rolling his eyes and running the back of his hand over his sweaty forehead. Truly, he's had enough of Martyn acting like he even knows what a kickflip is, let alone how to do it. 

It's 3am and they're in the middle of the road; just him, Martyn, Phil, and a makeshift ramp a few feet away for them to launch off of. They haven't used it. It's made of cheap cardboard, propped up and held in place by a few big decorative rocks they stole from their house's driveway.

They'd ended up here in about the same way Dan has landed himself in all situations: by being a pussy. It was _supposed_ to be just a sleepover at his boyfriend's, but right when he was about to drift off into sleep watching Phil's LED lights fading from one colour to another, the power had cut off, and so did his sleep. 

Dan tries telling himself he's no longer afraid of the dark about as often as he has to flip a light switch in his house. There are no monsters, no burglars, no vortices of doom under his bed. But the power cutting out shot an undeniable ping of adrenaline through him, and just like that, he wasn't tired anymore. 

So he annoyed Phil by jumping on top of him, ruffling his hair, pinching his cheeks, whisper-yelling at him to wake up so they can do something, anything. That was two hours ago. Turns out, _anything_ , in Dan’s book, means taking Phil's unused skateboard for a ride and inventing new, amazing ways to punish your poor, innocent bum. And somehow they'd roped Martyn into it as well. Not that he seems to mind, really. He's taken quite well to the role of Dan-annoyance-inducing machine. 

"Get up, now."

Dan could. But he doesn't want to. He's sprawled comfortably on the still-somehow-hot tarmac of the street, resting back on his elbows with his legs spread in front of him, skateboard wobbling sadly between them until it hits his thigh and stops. It's the third time he's landed directly on his ass today, which is simply great. This midnight adventure is going to flatten the moneymaker.

"Can someone else do this? I think I broke my tailbone," Dan says, serene as always, tailbone definitely not broken. "Phil!" 

"Absolutely not," Phil says.

Dan springs to his feet, wincing slightly but taking the time to dust off his ass before skipping to his boyfriend. "I'll hold you," he says. He steps behind Phil and grabs his waist, pulling him backwards until they're flush, chest to back, tilting his head in the crook of his neck. "Like this," he says, placing a tiny kiss behind his ear and slipping his thumb under his shirt. 

Suddenly there's a sharp nick of pain to the side of his face and Dan jumps back. "The fuck?" 

Martyn is chuckling from a few feet away, gesturing with one hand, doing a flicking motion with his finger and thumb. 

Dan narrows his eyes. "Why don't you try then, Marty boy?" Dan steps closer, picking up the skateboard on the way. "Afraid you'll fall on your bum?" Dan taunts. Martyn's eyes widen. "I'd say not to worry, but you don't have much to cushion your fall, so maybe you should."

It happens fast. Dan puts the skateboard down and tugs Martyn towards it, and the boy steps on out of instinct. Then Dan pushes him, hard. He stays on for about two seconds before falling off in a spectacular flailing fashion, landing funny, but most importantly, sending the skateboard flying at a scary speed towards the ramp, where it then proceeds to take off the ground and flip mid-air juuust high enough, so that when it comes down, the board shatters and splinters everywhere, one half bouncing over the fence and into someone's backyard. 

There's a moment of silence and then a cackle of laughter that's way, way too loud for 3am. Dan falls to the ground from lack of air, and Phil collapses on top of him, laughing wildly with his tongue between his crooked teeth. Dan slows down just enough to see them and have the warm (and slightly weird) thought that he wants to kiss them. Who kisses their boyfriend's teeth? On purpose?

It's a fast fleeting thought, however, because another fit of giggles overtakes him as one car starts wailing next to them and they have to stumble up and back into the house before anyone sees them. 

After the beeping car makes way for the chirping of the crickets to resume, the boys come back out with a broom and Dan is unanimously forced to clean up the mess he was, apparently, the sole cause of. 

"You pushed me to my death!" Martyn yells.

"You did push him, babe," comes a deep timber in his ear. 

"Okay, fine. I'll do it," he struggles to get out of Phil's hold, but he finds himself hugged tightly and unable to move. "Let me go, do you want this to get done or not?"

Phil grins in his neck. "I'm simply giving you a taste of your own medicine," he says, biting down sharply again and again until Dan’s throat is marred with purple and his knees are weak, his footing unstable. And then he lets him go abruptly.

Dan stumbles and flips him the bird, pushing two fingers to the bruise as he walks away and adjusts his jeans. 

Half an hour later they're all sat on the warm asphalt in the middle of the road, McDonald's meal spread between them, Dan sitting on Phil's lap, one arm casually draped behind his neck as he chews four fries and a mozzarella stick dipped in ice cream all at once. 

"That's disgusting," Phil says. "Like, truly revolting."

Dan opens his stuffed mouth to speak, forgoing all manners. "Your mum's revolting."

Both Phil and Martyn flip him off at the same time. 

He manages to swallow after a while and glances at Phil taking a bite out of his burger, half the vegetables falling out in the process. 

He points it out. "And you call _me_ a slob," he says. 

Phil's response comes out half-muffled, apparently about as well mannered as his boyfriend. Dan smiles when he sees it. "Well, if I didn't have to bloody hold you in my lap at the same time," he swallows and punctuates his statement by grabbing one of Dan's love handles roughly, "I wouldn't have to eat with one hand, and therefore, I could hold my damn burger closed while I eat it."

Dan laughs and licks off a stray bit of sauce off of Phil's bottom lip.

Martyn makes a disgusted sound. "I think I'm done here, lads. I'm going back to sleep," he says, stuffing the last bite of his burger into his mouth and getting up on his feet. "I'll leave the clean up to you two, have fun."

Dan turns to Phil and gives him a wicked smile. 

They certainly have fun.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you liked it, please leave a kudos (and/or a comment) or hit me up at corvinephan on tumblr! My inbox is open to everyone who wants to chat <3


End file.
